Dew on the lawn and Rent’s due so that’s what I’ll do even if its doo-doo

And without a shadow of a doubt it’s the first of the month and we're back to square 0. If we were back to square 1 that would be implying I at least have 1 dollar in my bank account, but I don’t lie. Sometimes it seems unfair that some people could pay my bills for the next 3 months and they wouldn’t even know their money was missing. Meanwhile I am someone who has been excommunicated from the catholic church and all I can do is pray that a few dollars turn up in time for dinner. My dad, for example, pays for a nice downtown apartment, belongs to a country club, a golf simulator club and can afford the weekly hooker that comes and sucks on his balls for an hour. I can tell he feels bad offering no support, though. I was visiting him a few weeks back and when we went off to dinner and I was wearing practically nothing but a pushup bra, all he could say was “This place has the best sauces”. I had to search a little bit and do some digging on the line cooks in the back, but a couple of those guys certainly did have some killer sauce, if you read what I am saying, which you would have to do, since this is a writing medium. Medium is such an interesting word. Some people are mediums in jeans, some people order mediums in frosties, some people are mediums among the spirits and it's also a way to describe different creative outlets.  Like my dad, who is a medium, ordered a medium from the medium cashier, channeling spirits using a pen and paper as her medium. Like when the people in charge were coming up with English, was that the day before winter break and they just decided to copy and paste the same word 10 times with a ton of random definitions and hope some of them stick.  There’s a ton of words like that that have a ton of different meanings, but are the same word. You dance on a poll, you vote at the polls, if you’re a polar bear you live in the north pole. I love you, as well. Your dad saying I love you versus how you say I love you to your dog. When your dad says I love you, it means: I’m sorry I’m so emotionally inarticulate and about that time I screamed at you really loud for deleting someone from the DVR”. When I say it to my dog it means: “I will never let anything happen to you and when you die I will keep your body no matter how smelly you get and I will eat your corpse so you will always be a part of me”. Anyway my confidence that my bank account will bounce back after this month is sort of in a medium standing and if I have to tell an older gentleman with deep pockets I love him to get it where I need it to be, I am fully prepared to do so.  In other news, the lack of food at my house is slowly turning me to a small, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, because when I’m hungry I get murderous thoughts, but on the bright side the smaller the waist the more men want to lock you in their trunk, which is nice. One time I was locked in a trunk for 45 minutes in complete darkness waiting for someone to notice I was missing. I was little and wondering if my existence was a burden to my mother, who got horniest when the house was clean and quiet. After 45 minutes I got out of the trunk and asked my mom if she noticed I was gone. She said wherever I was I should go back because she was gonna be on a call for the next hour. Luckily there was enough oxygen to keep me bordering the line between conscious and fluttery, but I wonder to this day if I was still in that trunk if my mom would notice I was out of the office. It’s a million dollar question that I could answer with ease and then be able to pay my rent with a solid gold check as my medium.