the straws cause, is not boss

Earlier today I was picking out a straw at work for my coffee and when I pick out a straw I usually take like 27 of them and find which once speaks to me the best. There have just been too many times when I go to sip from a plastic straw and the spirit of the turtle it will inevitably kill comes back in time to make me feel scared and give me the goosebumps.  So today I am sifting through the pile of 30 straws finding one that isn‘t haunted already and once I get to the last straw in the pile and pick it as the vessel for the coffee to enter my mouth; I have to make yet another decision. Should I go put all the haunted straws back to where I got them, which was a far walk to a dark closet or just throw them away in the fun stylish trash can that was in reaching distance. The answer was practically fed to me through a straw. As I am throwing all the straws away a funny looking gentleman, whom I work with comes over to ask me if I am aware of resources. The smell radiating off of him made me think he was asking about human resources and that he possibly wanted to take on his offensive smell as a team. This was not the case. He scolded me on the lack of resources we have as mankind. He was taking on the fight, skipping one shower at a time. He had so much extra time in his dirty life to think about the Earth's resources since no girl has probably ever talked to him or wanted to have sex with him, seeing as he looked like he came from the mud. But what do I know?  I’m a simpleton, I think. All I need is a couple good Madonna songs and a drink with a non-hunted umbrella and I’m set for my resources for the day. I said this to him and he informed me he didn’t know who Madonna was. When I heard this I marched to the dark closet and threw all the straws we had in the dumpster because I wanted to hurt him. Like how can someone care so much about materials, girl and not THE material girl! This infuriated him and he kept saying one of these days it’s going to be the last straw. This felt like a threat to me. What? Are you gonna hit a girl? Are you gonna kill my cat? One of these days you might get really mad and tell me you don’t know who Celin Dion is either? He replied explaining he didn’t mean that “one day it's going to be the last straw like he's gonna admit he doesn’t know who Celin Dion is”, it might literally be the last straw. No more straws. No more resources, no more Madonna. I took him by the neck. Went to the 68th floor of the Hancock building, shattered the window and held him over the street below until he said he was sorry. He finally did because his life was almost about to end and he had no other choice, but when we all finally calmed down and got more realistic we found some middle ground. I guess there could be days where I decide to drink from a straw that’s haunted. I could sacrifice myself getting scared from spirits of future dead animals as a preventative way to keep the queen of pop safe.  But with the same breath, sometimes preventative things don’t work so great. My mom got preventive botox when she was younger and she still looks a lot older than she really is. Sometimes the end is already gonna come no matter what we do or say about it. Look at Katy Perry for example, nobody told her to make an album. Nobody told her to go on tour. It all still happened and her career will never recover. We can use one straw a day. We can unplug the fridge when we don’t need anything from it. We can even drink less water. But doesn’t that just make everybody’s quality of life like the vikings in Brave. If I keep my fridge off half the time all my meat products will be sour to the taste and probably get me sick and eventually I won’t even be alive to see the world end from lack of resources because I died trying to conserve energy. I get there is a fight and that it’s important to act like you know what you’re talking about and bother people who throw away boxes of straws, because they smell like plastic, but I sorta just wanna be an observer on the sidelines with a couple good madonna songs and a drink with 30 straws and an umbrella in it.  Is that okay?