Once up on a time I had a bed wetting problem and fear of getting a job as a bagger at a grocery store. Both of these things ruined my life and were amplified by dragons and pedophilia. God damn it things always seem to mess up for me!

One of the most polarizing issues is people’s weight and the food they put in their body. I’m going to tackle the issue while making fun of the fatties and the stick figures with bad breath and I’m gonna do it so I can save the world.

I have very high expectations if I am going to let you inside of me. First off, you have to be breathing. And with that tall request I’m still going to try to have sex with someone this summer because that is what the government is asking of me and I LOVE the government.

Today I realized I can’t do this anymore. It has been such a hard decision to make, but once I started writing this blog I realized I have gift and making blog posts is not what this is. These are masterpiece. Words whispered to me from Jerusalem!

This is what it means to shit all over someone and make sure they will never even think about raping you. You can also spit their cumin their eyes and act like a baboon. Sexy is back, girls!

People die sometimes and its up to you to make sure that the reason they died was not your fault. Can you give someone cancer? Do gift cards to Sephora help!? UGHHH

Today I was working and someone kept asking me to do their dirty work. I am not going to RSVP to your party- OH NO! I’m becoming my mom. I should fly away…

I brush my teeth most days, but what would happen if I didn’t have to? Maybe I would make more collages! The only ironic thing is we will never know…. RIGHT?

I’m trying out new forms of public transportation in the city. I don’t know if its my great smile, but it seems like everyone is trying to kill me!

Talk show host used to all be gay, right!? And they used to have on so many gay people, correct!? Then why do people keep peeing on the bus???

What happens when ready made red beans and rice, crazy moms and real estate come together?

I tried to start a roofing company in my imagination and I died before I could even finish my first roof. AI has to hurry up cuz I’m tired of this place already!