BIKES, CARS AND many funerals
Recently I started renting out those city bikes and going for joy rides. The feeling I get when the wind goes through my hair stands and the fast cars race past me and the whole bike shakes from the pressure. I'm not saying I love it, but it’s definitely something interesting. I have been craving amusement park fun. Like going on a ride called “the tornado” or the “stomach flu” and worshiping the idea that all it takes to end my life is to forget to buckle up. That urge can be filled right up with a bike ride during rush hour in Chicago. Both involve people screaming and unexpected twists and turns. I was on a bike and I took a wrong turn and watched as a car came right toward me and sped up like I was the catch of the day. Like running me over would get them extra coins or something. Luckily they hit another biker before they hit me so their thirst for blood was accounted for. Nobody is ever going to say that a bike is the safest form of transportation. You’re surrounded by exits. But walking in the city is a big risk in and of itself. I was walking through an intersection yesterday. The cars were supposed to stop and let me pass, so I begin my walk through the section and I even walk with a little hop to show my pride in my knowledge of the city rules. Suddenly two cars wizz past me. Now I’m in the middle of a sandwich with less than an inch buffer on either side. They’re yelling at me like I'm nothing but a cricket. When I walk in the city I am not thinking about myself. Not even the Bible. I am thinking about the city. What they like for me to do and how I can do it with a happy face and boots. At least when someone hits you on your bike, you have something to hold on to. There are a some metal bars that could be the difference between your leg getting amputated and both legs getting amputated and your , hands, neck and belly button. If I get hit by a car on my bike I still have the option for an open casket. If I get hit naked just on the street with no buffer they’ll probably still be looking for my fingernails and bones by the time the funeral happens. If I even get a funeral. Everyone will probably be so furious with me cause they’ll think I wasn’t following city ordinances. In reality the car hit me thinking I was a powerup because of my shining starlight. And if you’re thinking: “Duh riding and a bike and walking down the street is gonna get you marred. You should just get a car.” You’re probably right. The 50 thousand dollars comes back eventually. And gas? It’s only a matter of time before cars are powered by giggles, so Yeah I could potentially get a car. But everyone who drives in Chicago, drives like a bat out of hell. They probably don’t look at the speed limit. Even if they tried they couldn’t cause outside their window looks like hyperspace. I don’t know what’s in the water, maybe cocaine, but everyone seems to feel the need to get to their location three weeks ago. So me getting a car sounds like a fairytale in theory, but knowing who my company is: for the good of the city I will voluntarily stay home with two life jackets on. Transportation is such a beautiful thing when you think about it. Technology has advanced so much and continues to surprise and shock us. And all us common folk are using these technological feats to further advance technology in the field of funerals. At this rate floating caskets are weeks away, and I think that just GREAT!
