Lets be Sharks
I go through so much each day. Life has ups and downs, lefts and rights, but there is truly only one time that gets my goat: Brushing my teeth. I probably have like 30 teeth and each one serves an amazing purpose. Give me the crunchiest nuts and I will demolish them with two bites, maybe three. Nothing but crumbs. But picking up my brush, applying the paste and going into all my groves and edges for 2 minutes is a part of my day I want so badly to delete. There are other things that I do daily for two minutes with repetitive stroking motions, but at the end of those activities there is a reward for my valiant performance. Brushing my teeth there is no automatic pay off. Imagine a toothbrush that gives you a dime bag when you’re done. Your toothbrush fulfills its life purpose and you get to go crazy after. I’m glad I'm finally saying something, because a businessman will read this and make it happen and they’ll become rich as flowers. It’s just crazau that you have to generously brush my teeth TWO times a day? It feels like a cult. Could I be the change? Is there a movement starting as I’m typing this? I would like to think so and while we’re changing things, let's do something about the flavors of the tooth brushing paste. Mint??? There’s a time and place for mint. When I need gum: “can I get a piece of mint chewing gum please, friend?” Never cotton candy flavor gum, because in that moment mint is what I am deserving of. When my meal is done and the bill comes and there’s a mint there waiting for the taking. I feel like a champion, cleansing my palate. But the cool breeze toothpastes and arctic fresh flavors have zero charms and no novelty. Hypothetically if I did want to try out a watermelon toothpaste, they are there, but in the section devoted towards children. I am an adult, child at heart, but nevertheless, fully grown with fully grown features. I would be humiliated trying to purchase kids toothpaste, no matter how tasty. I could hide it in my sleeve and tell no one, or I could go to self check out and keep it very low profile, but I know something... God is watching. There are too many unknowns for me to feel safe even looking at the kids teeth section in the stores. I don’t have kid teeth. Mine are big and bulky. The kid tooth paste doesn’t even probably have the power to take on the bits I have left over in my mouth from the ribeye steak I ate for lunch. Or the biscuits with gravy and ketchup I’m having for dinner. I need the industrial strength that kids shouldn’t be exposed to until they are ready for the mind fuck of brushing your teeth twice daily with a substance that tingles all over your tongue . I instead will just act like it doesn’t exist and use the hideous adult mint flavors, with cavity fighting powers. If we were sharks and teeth were disposable, I would have four extra minutes in my day to day life, where I could make collages or design furniture. Has there ever been humans who had lost teeth and grew extras? Was there an individual of this caliber? If so, how have they not been bred to be the dominant species? Sharks are centuries advanced compared to us because of this skill we lack. Instead we are stuck in an endless cycle playing royal kingdom because Kevin Hart told us to. It’s just a thought, but so many thoughts have held the capacity to change the course of mankind. Put this in your pocket and save it for a rainy day, cause you can bet your mom’s fat vagina that those rainy days are coming.
